DJ makes his confession... I make mine too.

After I was back from Hong Kong for the summer, me and DJ have our contacts back again. We actually met each other in person few weeks ago. He is still important to me, but the feelings are no longer the same.

For the first time, I actually observe this person without being overwhelmed by affections, like I was. I dislike this person. However, it is the good times we had together that make him into a somebody in my life. Then, I got pampered by Mister the following day, as his way to cheer me up from being rejected from Cambridge.

We went for Dim Sum for lunch. He booked a hotel with a really nice whirlpool bath, so we dwell ourself in the hot tub for the whole afternoon. (And I had my first pomegranate in my life!) He gave me a full body massage as well. Ah... I will always remember that.

Anyway, so after having such a lovely pamper day, I really don't bother much about DJ. Especially I have told him clearly that I am quite happy for what it is now, and he has a proper girlfriend now.

Until yesterday, he started to tell me that he can't stop thinking about having me in his bed again. Yes, he actually said that. He said it is unfair to me, but he still wants to see me again. I was watching Percy Jackson when he texts me, so I literally don't know what to respond.

All I think of is all the bullshits he said in the past, the 'I don't want anything serious right now' et cetera, and how much I hate him, so I said it. 'I hate you, you know that right?' Texts keep going back and forth, he did his little trick saying 'I guess we are in different stages of life. I think if we are at the same age, we would be the prefect match.' blahhhblahblah

I will be moved by his words in the past, but not anymore. He kept nagging for seeing me again, even just for one night. But my line is: I don't mind seeing you, but I refuse to sleep with you.

I went to bed in fury last night, and woke up the same this morning. 'How can you still say that when you know it is unfair to me, unfair to your girlfriend? If you want sex so bad, just find some hook ups, why drag me into this? I am pretty sure it means the same thing to you.' I have never act like this bitter before to him, or anyone to be honest. And he said he never knew I was that against this idea, because I seemed to be happy to have a sexual relationship with him in the past.

And THAT got on my nerves! I said, 'I did this because I was fucking in love with you, so I can get more intimate with you, other than sexual chemistry only. And that seems impossible. And now you're having a girlfriend, having a good time together but you said you're physically more attracted to me. What would it make me think? Or not that you really care?' I am angry, so I tell him the truth. I never confessed that to him, that I was in love with him.

The truth seems never come out of my mouth until I have nothing to fear. I guess that is the situation now. It's the good relationship with Mister that gives me the guts to say it out. Honestly, I feel so relieved now.