2017年4月23日 星期日

我們還是分手了

其實我很難過,但我覺得這也是一件好事。


至少現在自己選好了立場,就算以後我讓你繼續找別個,也不要再跟他在一起了。遲早也要散,長痛不如短痛。你跟他性格都太硬,他對你的好,你看不到,你對他的好,他也不想要;其實沒什麼的,哭一兩天就好,只是有點不舍。我不想看到你變成不像你的人,明明好好的,為什麼要折騰。

他是有病的人,治不好,還會傳染。你的焦慮他也不會考慮,已經不是能磨合與否的問題。

難受是因為那些傷人的話,難受是因為措手不及,因為沒想到區區一件T恤就可以把一句又一句的愛你抺殺掉。也可能是因為最近他的冷淡,其實早已預告了他想分開,也許是因為他已經遇上下一個,所以對我也不聞不問。

也可能是因為有比較,更覺得深深不憤,明知道自己值得被愛,去愛,卻一直沒狠下心,去放棄這雞肋。也許是因為曾經有過希望,所以當希望落空的時候,更加失望。

2017年4月11日 星期二

Fulfilling Needs and Bargain Power

Me:
Increased commitment
Increased anxiety - I have reasons to believe the anxiety is induced by Doctor's reaction.

If meeting 3 times a week, of which I only stayed over twice is "too much, too close" for him, honestly there is nothing much I can do. The fact that he tries to make me believe that I am demanding him too much is unbearable.

From this relationship, being able to spend time  is like the bottom-line for me. The amount of time is objective to individuals, but I honestly don't think we are spending more time with each other than before. He is just being a dick. Being uncomfortable is not an excuse to be irresponsive.

At this point, I realise this relationship is no longer accessible - my need. If this bottom-line cannot be fulfilled, and for that is the only thing I can get out of the relationship, this is no point to proceed. Besides, what other bargaining power does he have to negotiate on that? What on earth has he done to compensate, what have he really done/compromise to show love? 

At least, Mister went for the material path as he knew he can't be accessible or really making time for me if he can.

或者由始至終呢段感情都充滿苦澀味。




2017年4月3日 星期一

有多愛,以後便有多痛

I never thought I could love Doctor this much.

Back then, he was someone whom I don't see why I shouldn't date and now I see him as someone whom I truly wants to date. It is not the pull and push between I love him because he loves me, but more of I would love him even if he doesn't because I feel like he deserves my love, and perhaps not me...

But what about Mister?