After the relationship with Doctor, he has really changed my view towards relationship.
Realising that intimacy is good, but responsibilities are suffocating makes me want to run away from commitments forever. When I mean commitment, I don't mean just exclusivity in a relationship, but more like ownership and an interest to take on the other person's emotion trash.
That was the worse part of our relationship, and always make me missing the kind of bond that I had with Mister. And we weren't in a relationship. So for me, labels are just labels. I don't even want DJ or any potential lover to feel obliged to please me because it's an exchange to chain me for sex. It also makes me really uncomfortable when the other person is already pouring their heart out while I'm not feeling the same; I lost interest immediately.
It's a game, and will always be. The guessing, not knowing gives the best fuck possible and everyone should enjoy it while they can. I don't want to get back to the stale phase of constantly judging the other person, oh because they are your soulmate and should be perfect. No, fuck that.
I want to see the real you before I decide whether you are in the long run. And as I grow older, the standard is so high that I am not even sure if that person exists.
I'm liberating myself; just this time not for any ego-boost purpose or exploring my sexuality anymore. Just me, sleeping with a guy whom I like. And I feel amazing afterwards. It's me, me, me, me, me.
