In Another Life...

I just watched a movie "比悲傷更悲傷的電影", and it reminds me a lot of things between me and Mister. And I cried, devastatingly.

Reading the IG-onlyvno, I realised that perhaps I have been blocking my feelings... :

 I just feel pathetic that I can't escape from this thinking trap, or brave enough to give up these dreams for someone whom I really love. I failed to commit any act of romanticism, even at a young age of 22, so I can be a fully certified adult, with job, family and mortgage. Too docile.

And a year later, looking at myself. Am I lying to myself so that I'm living the life that I have 'chosen' over being with Mister. So that I can go to bed every night? Am I being honest with myself, or I have almost successfully convinced myself that THIS is what I am striving for?

Is this the reason why you kind of hoping that Frank is not as keen as you are, so:

1) You are ready to flee when you can face your feelings truly again.
2) You can focus on trying to 'get' to him, and actually he helps to distract you from letting go of the memories of Mister.
3) That he, could potentially build a dream that probably faces the same troubles (like age, not-on-the-same-stage) so you kind of have the option for an 'alternative' future that you and Mister never have?

It's surprising when the storm of memories hit me like that. My subconsciousness is driving me crazy.