Modafinil, Paris and New boyfriend

I've been taking Modafinil for 4 days now. I don't know if it's the placebo effect, but I can feel I am working much more effective than I was. The only downside I would say is you have to be very careful with the dose, and the timing for its half-life, because I can see my sleeping being disrupted easily by this if not time right.

Flying off to Paris with Mister. Haven't seen him for a month. 

Perhaps this is why I do not feel guilty at all. I honestly don't know what this is. 

Meanwhile, Doctor and I are good together. Doing the typical campus couple stuff, enjoy the sun out there and panicking about revision at the same time. I don't feel loved either. I guess this is one of those relationships that just happened because you can't see why you shouldn't. Well, at least I am happy now. I haven't cried alone in the middle of the night for a long while.

Doctor is a very sensitive person. At some point, I am worried that he will cringe on this if he finds out one day. I might be selfish, but I really don't want to destruct someone.