As time goes by, I notice the distance between me and Mister is more tangible. Do I actually love him? I mean, how it will be possible that I’m in love with someone I know nothing about. Although the good times, the smites and the affection we have for each other are real, I can still feel the barriers between us. I can trust Mister for his intelligence, for that he will not do harm to me, but there is something missing. The idea that he cannot be in my future plans is a solid evidence.

And as I accept this idea and feel more prepared for it to come, the barrier becomes greater. In subconscious, I know I cannot set my heart on him. The practice to hold on your feelings from someone does not feel good. By the more often I do it, I feel more distanced from Mister.

I always feel like I explode too much of myself to Mister, while I know too little about him. He is a man in my life, but do I mean anything to him?

I keep questioning myself, ‘How much longer can I handle this? And for how much longer will I stay?’.